Reducing Stress: A Path to Inner Peace

Stress can have a significant impact on our well-being, but there are ways to reduce its effects. Overdoing is engrained in the psyche of most women I have counseled during my 26 years as a therapist. Unfortunately, doing too much- especially activities that we dread that keep us from having time to rest or pursue pleasure - can wreak havoc on our bodies. Not only does stress increase our cortisol levels which leads to craving carbs and highly palatable foods - not fruits and veggies but donuts and ice cream - but it also causes inflammation that leads to serious health complications. Normal amounts of stress don't have lasting impacts on us but chronic, unrelenting stress is the real culprit here.

I've found that overachieving women often find it challenging to set boundaries and prioritize self-care. They are constantly striving for success in both their personal and professional lives, often neglecting their own well-being in the process. This overdoing effect typically leads to turning to food, alcohol, shopping or some other form of unhealthy coping behavior to manage the stress.

The first step in changing any behavior is taking stock of what you are doing. I recommend reviewing your calendar and noticing what is taking up your time. You might want to color code activities to determine whether they are "must do's" versus "I think I should dos." For example, going to the doctor for a wellness check up is a "must do" while attending a party that you don't really want to go to but think your friend will be mad at you if you don't is a "should do." You can also add a code for activities that trigger your stress or unhealthy behaviors. An example might be meeting a friend for lunch who is very negative and critical of you and you feel bad after spending time with her.

Once you build awareness of your overdoing behaviors, you can start eliminating activities that you know are harmful to your wellbeing. This is the uncomfortable part. Saying no and sitting with feelings and thoughts related to not participating. Remember, the overdoing has been a way to avoid painful emotions and thoughts so changing is not easy. You are likely a very capable, independent woman who is good at supporting others but rarely asks for help. That's where a good therapist comes in - someone who is understanding, nonjudgemental and compassionate. Someone who can provide you with the skills you need to cope with the feelings and thoughts you've been avoiding.

The journey from human doing to human being is about learning how to be kinder to yourself, connect with your innermost values and live a life according to what matters to you. It's about setting healthy boundaries so that your stress level decreases and you don't feel the need to turn to those unhealthy coping behaviors to find relief. By setting clear limits on your time and energy, you can also avoid burnout and ensure you have enough time for self-care activities.

Most women I have seen over the years have no idea what they even enjoy. They've spent most of their lives trying to make everyone else happy. Often, it helps to start by thinking about what brought you pleasure in your childhood. It could be something as simple as spending time petting your dog or sitting in a cozy chair with a good book. I often recommend that you find some photos of yourself as a child. You will likely notice things in the photos that remind you of what brought you joy. If you had a sad or traumatic childhood, you may need to look for photos of other children doing things they enjoy to get an idea of what appeals to you.

Spending time in nature is a powerful to reduce stress. You don't have to go on a strenuous hike but can simply put your phone out of reach and sit on your porch, a park bench and observe the sky, listen to the birds and feel the sun or breeze on your body. I often recommend for my clients that work in a office to go outside for a few minutes during the workday - even if it's just to walk around the parking lot.

Many women have been taught that self-care is selfish. It's hard to change an entrenched thought but it is entirely possible and a necessary step towards maintaining physical and mental well-being. The journey to healing is about recognizing your own limitations and learning to give yourself permission to say no to excessive demands. This is real self care and you deserve it.

This is not a quick fix and may seem overwhelming right now, but I promise the rewards will be worth it. It's never too late to find your awe!